Romance scam warning signs, from the first message to the first ask

By the Authentk team  ·  Published  ·  Updated

Most lists of romance scam warning signs read like a checklist for after the money is gone. The signs are real, but they do not arrive all at once. They show up in a fairly predictable order: a message out of nowhere, a perfect match, a move to another app, a reason they cannot meet, and then a problem only you can solve. This guide goes through them in that order, with what the FTC and FBI data say about each stage, and what each check can and cannot tell you.

How big the problem is

The FBI's Internet Crime Complaint Center received 18,774 confidence and romance fraud complaints in 2025, with $929.3 million in reported losses, up from 17,910 complaints and $672.0 million in 2024 (FBI IC3, 2024 and 2025 Internet Crime Reports). The FBI's category also includes scams where the fake relationship is family or friendship, such as the grandparent scheme. The FTC's own count, from reports to its Consumer Sentinel Network, put romance-scam losses at $1.14 billion in 2023, with a median loss of $2,000. Both agencies note that most people never report, so the real totals are higher.

The FBI's 2025 report also flags a newer ingredient: scammers using AI chat tools to write more believable messages and to build fake profiles. Victims reported more than $19 million in confidence and romance losses with a likely AI link.

Stage 1: the first message

Dating apps are only part of the story. In the FTC's 2022 data, 40% of people who lost money to a romance scam said the contact started on social media, compared with 19% who said it started on a website or app. A friendly message from a stranger on Instagram or Facebook was a more common opening than a match on a dating app.

What to check: run their profile photos through a reverse image search, which the FTC recommends. If the same face appears under another name, you are done. The limit is that a reverse search only finds photos already public somewhere. Photos lifted from a private account, or generated by an AI tool, come back clean, and looking harder does not help much: in a 2022 study in PNAS, people sorted AI-generated faces from real ones correctly 48% of the time, about a coin flip.

Stage 2: the move off the app

Soon after the first few messages comes a request to talk somewhere else. The FTC's description of a typical romance scam starts with exactly this: "Soon they want to email, call, or message you off the platform." In its 2022 data, many people said the conversation moved quickly to WhatsApp, Google Chat or Telegram.

Why it matters: the dating app or social network can see and remove reported profiles. Once the conversation moves to a private messenger, nobody else is watching. Staying on the platform until you have met costs you nothing.

Stage 3: the reason they cannot meet

This is the most reliable sign of all, because it is built into the character. The FTC's data spotlight on romance scammers found that claiming to be on a faraway military base is the most popular excuse, with "offshore oil rig worker" another common one. Working abroad for an international organization, a medical mission, a contract that ends "next month": the job always explains why meeting is impossible for now.

What to check: the FTC suggests searching the job they claim plus the word "scammer", for example "oil rig scammer", to see whether other people have reported the same story. And ask for a live video call. It is much harder to fake than a photo, which is why scammers avoid it. The limit: a call shows you a face; it does not prove anything they have told you about their life.

Stage 4: the ask

Once trust is built, a problem appears. The FTC lists the usual ones: medical bills for them or a relative, a plane ticket or visa so they can finally visit, fees to get out of trouble. Two variations are worth knowing, because they do not feel like asking. One is the favour: they offer to teach you how they made money in cryptocurrency, and whatever you "invest" goes straight to them. The other is the package: they say they have shipped you something valuable, and you need to pay a customs or delivery fee. The package never arrives.

How they ask to be paid is a sign by itself. The FTC says scammers want money that is hard to get back: wire transfers, gift cards with the PIN read out, payment apps and cryptocurrency. In 2022, cryptocurrency and bank wires together made up more than 60% of reported romance-scam losses, and gift cards were the most frequently reported method, used by 24% of people who lost money. A separate pattern, sextortion, starts with a request for explicit photos and ends with a threat to share them; the FTC found people aged 18 to 29 were more than six times as likely to report it as people 30 and over.

The rule here is not a check, it is a line. In the FTC's words: "Never send money or gifts to a sweetheart you haven't met in person." If someone you have not met asks for money in any form, stop, and talk to someone you trust before you reply. The FTC suggests exactly that, and to listen if friends or family are worried.

Where the usual checks stop

Look back at the checks: a reverse image search that misses private and AI-made photos, a video call that is easy to dodge, questions that a good script can survive. Each one is worth doing. None of them answers the question underneath, which is whether the person you are talking to is the person in the photos, right now. That is the gap a cryptographically signed selfie closes, and it is why we built Authentk.

It works in two directions. You can send someone a verification request before you meet; they take one live photo in the Authentk app (they need an iPhone and a free sign-up with their phone number, and answering is free), and you get back a signed, watermarked photo with the time it was taken. Or they can share a verified selfie with you: open the link or scan the QR code to see when it was taken, then upload the photo they sent you. You see "Photo Matches" if it is the signed original and "Photo Does Not Match" if it was changed or swapped. You do not need the app to check, and checking costs you nothing. See what a verified photo looks like.

Be clear about what it proves. A signed selfie shows the photo is real, taken just now on that person's phone, unedited. It does not prove a name, a job, a story or good intentions, and it never makes a request for money safe. The rule in Stage 4 still stands.

Authentk proves a selfie is real: taken now, by that person, unedited. Free iPhone beta.

Join the iPhone beta

What to say

Asking for proof can feel like an accusation. It is not, if you ask everyone and offer the same in return.

Someone genuine will understand, and probably ask the same of you. Someone who pushes back hard, gets angry or goes quiet has answered a different question. The same habits help anywhere a stranger's photo is all you have to go on. Related: How to tell if a dating profile photo is AI-generated and Facebook Marketplace meetup safety: 9 rules before you meet.

Questions

What is the biggest warning sign of a romance scam?

Being asked for money, gift cards, cryptocurrency or a wire transfer by someone you have never met in person. The FTC's rule is short: never send money or gifts to a sweetheart you haven't met in person. Every other sign is a reason to slow down; this one is a reason to stop.

Why do romance scammers always have an excuse not to meet?

Because meeting would end the scam. The FTC says the excuse is often built into the fake identity: a faraway military base, an offshore oil rig, work abroad for an international organization. A person who keeps a job that conveniently prevents any meeting or live video call is giving you the most reliable sign there is.

Can a reverse image search catch a romance scammer?

Sometimes. If the profile photos show up under another name, you have your answer. It will not catch photos taken from a private account or made by an AI tool, and in a 2022 PNAS study people told AI-generated faces from real ones only about half the time. A clean result means the search found nothing, not that the person is real.

Is a video call enough to rule out a romance scam?

It rules out a lot. Scammers avoid live video because it is much harder to fake than a photo, so a refusal tells you something. A call shows you a face on the other end; it does not prove the story they have told you, and it does not make a request for money safe.

What should I do if I already sent money to a romance scammer?

Stop contact, then call your bank, card issuer, payment app or gift card company right away, tell them you paid a scammer and ask for the money back. Report it to the FTC at ReportFraud.ftc.gov and to the FBI at ic3.gov, and report the profile to the app or site where you met. Being targeted is not a judgment on you; these scripts are written by professionals.

The short version

A message out of nowhere, a perfect match, a quick move to another app, a job that rules out meeting, and then a problem that needs money in a form you cannot get back. Any one of those is a reason to slow down. The last one is a reason to stop. Stay on the platform, ask for a live call or a live photo, ask everyone the same way, and never send money to someone you have not met.

Sources

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